Yoga practice ages nicely

It has been about 7 month since I practice Yoga. Now it is a smooth and enchanting experience. As my practicing aging, I am enjoying the Grace it brought out. It is my daily companion even including the days I did not get on the mat.

I do take some break when I have aching muscle but I can feel the yearning to go back to the practice. At beginning, my old else was keeping pushing myself to some new poses and progressing. Now I simply enjoy the journey and let it be. Surprisingly enough, I still continue to reach new surprises without my constant "pushing", grace simply leads me there. I am also very glad to name my kitty cat "Grace". She often hangs around the mat with me when I practice at home. She reminds me to "open to Grace".

What is this "feeling sorry for yourself" business?

After the last post,I thought that I would have arrived at a peaceful place, but not. I got an email from my friend Sally, in it she quoted "the qualities that we see in others so readily or the ones we are triggered by the most intensely are precisely the ones we must examine within ourselves.".

Now that I think about it carefully: Was I just not able to forgive my mom or neighbours? Or was it something I have trouble dealing with? Sure enough, it is about the forgiveness. I have not been good at forgiving since I could ever remember. As mom would feel sorry for herself and lose sight of the beauty in her life, I am exactly the same. I have a beautiful and privileged life full of things I should be thankful for, but I let the sand in my eyes ruin many of my days. Did I know? I think that I did, it's just that I have difficulty to see the truth about myself or keep finding excuses for myself. Always other people's faults......

I find this distasteful but it is true. My blindness to the truth has given me way too much pain and does not have any redeeming quality to offer.

Before I read Sally's quote, I always tried to remind myself "if something in others bothers you deeply, it is the very thing you have to look within." yet I did not recognize it before I wrote the previous blog. Life never fails to laugh in my face if I think that I have learned. At least, another mystery unfolds itself. I am glad that my friend Sally points to me. Thank you, Sally! Thank you for watching out for me! I am looking forward to the tea we are going to have sometime soon.

I reflect

Last Saturday my spine was injured so I became immobile and rather dependant. Fortunately, my childhood friend John and his wife live upstairs. They have been really good at trucking me around to see the doctor and get stuff. As a result, we have also eaten most of our meals together. I have not used my Chinese language for so long with such intensity. I was persuaded to watch a Chinese movie called “TangShan Earthquake”. John and Sue have seen it twice and both of them cried watching it. They gave me an ipad with headset and a wet towel. I joked that I might not be able to cry and could be accused of being heartless. I watched the movie unsuspected thinking that not likely I would break down.

To my surprise, the movie touched me deeply. I covered my face and tried very hard to smother my bawling numerous times during the movie. Yes, I do occasionally cry in a good movie, but not really bawling. John and Sue expected tears but were surprised how strong I reacted. At the end of the movie, I also laughed that the main character married a westerner and moved to Vancouver with her daughter. I was shocked after the movie because I thought that I had dealt with most of my inner trouble and sorrow, but I was wrong. There is something I have hid well from myself. Just like the other day I wrote to Sally about not knowing myself.

I talked to John and Sue about my childhood. John knew me since I was three, but he never knew that I was deeply depressed because I never let anyone know. I resented people in Nanhui so I never made any endeavour to learn or speak the local dialect – Nanhui Hua, even though it was not a hard language to learn since I speak Shanghainese. It was my secret defence against people who had shown prejudice against me.
The fact that I was adopted was not a healthy topic amongst people who knew. It was a topic of gossip and it usually made the room silent when I walked into it. I was discriminated against because I was adopted. I could not get the truth out of anyone including my parents which made me subject to discrimination without any defense or comforting. As I learned the truth about the adoption, when I was almost 18, I was quite moved by the fact that my biological parents were willing to give me to my parents as a gift. I was moved by the friendship between 2 sets of parents and felt consolation even though I had to suffer the discrimination in my early years. In recent years, I discovered my mother’s inability to feel security of my love for her as a mother, she often vented on her sister (my birth mother) and me, and how my aunt (my birth mother) has been tiptoeing around her and tolerated her sister’s anger and unjust accusations. Even though I have a hard time to understand my mother’s insecurity, I have more trouble to see that my aunt quietly took in the anger and unjust accusations. I knew that she was suffering and hurt. I could not openly express my support so I took it all inside of me, which made it hard for me to forgive my mother’s behaviour. It has become unbearable for me that I have difficulty to phone my aunt to just chat. It’s too overwhelming hearing her voice but not being able to do much. It has been over 6 months since I spoke to her last, and it is getting even more difficult now to pick up the phone.

This was the first time I ever revealed this to a friend and now I even try to speak Nanhui Hua just for fun, something I have never done in my life. I am a queen of hiding my innermost feeling and now I am letting it out. Things I thought were humiliating and embarrassing. I ran away from China for that reason, I was running away from my memory. Now it is a global village and I can’t keep running away.
I was really lucky to have Daryl as my husband as he tolerated my baggage, anger and depression. He is very patient and he has given me room to come out of my own cocoon. Daryl told me the story about his god parents adopting a boy who had a terminal illness and gave him 15 beautiful years of life. In China, people in general have been so indoctrinated with passing on the family name, that adoption is now an embarrassment, instead of something utterly beautiful, a chance to show unconditioned love. Mom and dad, at that time, felt and maybe still feel sorry about their inability to have their own biological child. They neglected to see the unselfish love their sister and brother-in-law had shown them. I had a very hard time to accept that, more than the discrimination I received when I was little. I need to forgive my mother and love her in spite of this. I was hurt and I was not impressed, but more importantly I needed to forgive and accept people for who they were, as others accepted and loved me for who I was.

I often felt sorry that I was born because of all the suffering, but today I feel indeed fortunate.

1st day of our trip to Paris

British air managed to make the seat at it's smallest yet have Vivian say that it was the best flight of her life. Well designed but truly the seat can not be any smaller to pass. No complaint but finding a position to snooze is not easy at all. I sort of shut eye for a few hours. Food was great and great service too. Touch screen mini screen was a hit. Watched "before sunrise" and "funny face". They both have Paris in them which make them more delightful especially when we were about to set foot on it for the very first time.

Paris airport reminds me of old shanghai airport 20 years ago. The funny part is that we both did not believe the custom was such a nonevent. The signs said "passport" and we originally thought we headed wrong line up till a airport staff redirect us. Line up was very quick and not much of French queuing. An office had nano second glancing on my passport and sent me on my way. We thought that it must be the pre-exam so expecting to see a custom lineup some where else. We were at luggage pickup which made us ponder why we need to pick up luggage before custom. Got our bags from the only conveyer there is we were suprised to see that we could exit right away. Wow! That was it? We were totally prepared for more.

Got a taxi outside and a Chinese guy picked us up. From the convrsation, he came in1975 from Lao. Vivian and I had a chat with him and viv got use her French. The taxi was reasonablely clean and the ride was smooth. We rode into downtown and I started to have this tight feeling in my heart and almost went teary. Here we are in Paris but I felt that it reminds me of my beloved old shanghai. I totally did not expect that. Too strange. Here I am, in a city I have never been to but then I felt that I grew up here. Weird but cool.

When we arrived our hotel and got off the taxi, vivian and I gave each other a high-five. Nice quient as we hoped for. The inn keeper was nice enough to have us pick out our room. We picked a cute room with balcony to the street.

We felt so accomplished. Here we are, in a foreign country but feel at "home" quickly. Not at home as in Vancouver, but at home as in old Shanghai. Brilliant! Room is small but tidy and clean. We are happy. Charged up the iPhone and was able to text Daryl right away. So painless. Coolio! We headed out to Hard Rock Cafe to exchange our Paris pass. We got to use the metro. Good thing we did, took us a runaround to head to the direction we wanted. It would certainly made it easy to figure our way tomorrow. Vivian was in charge. She speaks good Parisian French and I am quite happy to see her take the reponsibilty of getting direction and use her French. The metro system is quite impressive. It connects the city's every cornor and it seems to have about 100 years old history. Works like a charm and not too hard to figure out. Train comes frequently. Wonderful! We surfaced finnally and found our HRC not too far. We decided to walk back to hotel after and looked for a nice place to eat. We ate at bistrot victoire and had our giant salad. Daryl would love this salad which almost had a pound of meat in it. Walked by lourve and crossed seine. Watched people picnicking ont
the crossing. Fun! Lots of people sat on the floor and having wine, cheese etc.

Traffic was pleasantly not too crazy. I loved the big trees along the seine, at least a couple of hundred years old. Shaded the road nicely. Again, my old shanghai back in live. Of course the trees in shanghai were not as big and old, but I still saw the resemblance. Visit ing Paris is healing my pain of losing my old shanghai. Put it this way, it preserved my memory and made it very French. We marvelled at details of each every building and no modern ones to be seen. We are truly thankful. Although we did find a KFC, Mcdonalds and Starbucks, it did not overwelme us. Thank God!

We managed to run into a little street stuffed with bars, cafes and a ice cream store. We were quite full, but I really wanted a taste a French icecream. We had a scoop of two flavor each and sat by the side of road enjoying our delicacy. On our way, I also got a cresant froam a snack bar. Although I was truly full, I did not want to wait till tomorrow to taste it.

Our lovely hotel is nicely cental located and we can not be happier.

Day one comes to a nice ending.

a calm morning

It was the first time I took Elena's class in my Zen room, so today is the inauguration of my yoga practice in Zen room. It is unusual that I did not go to Yaletown studio for practice when I am in Vancouver. John, Sue and George are still sound in sleep and hopefully that they will recover from long flight nicely. To have them here is like to have a piece of old home back, my old Shanghai. Our friendship has lasted almost 4 decades so far. What a treat to have gift like this! We are living in a very transient society. The everyone knows everyone's days are in remote distance. In Nanhui (a town at suburb of Shanghai) where I grew up, it was a community. We know so many people and so many people know us, no one really moved so you could go visit someone in the same place for a long time. We seems to take roots that way. John's parents know my parents so the little John came for visit with his parents when he was 3. John had a hanker chief pined to his vest. Bright big eyes. The image of John as a 3-years-old coming visit at our home is so vivid that I can still remember the furniture, the lighting at our home at that time. Mind you, I was only 3 too. I don't know if I remembered anything else when I was 3, but that I do remember that night, just like John remembering our talk with Vivian when she was 8 at our living room about sharing. 3-4 hours marathon discussion with Vivian resulting she refused to share her room with George (8 years-old too). It went way past midnight. Daryl and I did not stop until we were sure that the sharing idea had burnt a hole in her brain and would stay. Well, it burnt a hole in John and Sue's brains too. Although it was not intended, it is quite fascinating to hear they talk about that night many times over to us and to their friends. The ripple effect! I am reminded that everything we do has an effect, a far reaching effect, farther than we can ever imagine. Be aware of what we do and should do at all time. If we like the world change for better, it does not come through major revolution, it comes from everyone of us be mindful of what we do and how we do.

Today's practice was very serene. I also sits in the prayer position long after the session was finished. I am growing roots because I feel my body is so grounded.

Namaste!

John's arrival

Today is the day John and his family moving to Vancouver finally. I was very happy to know that they are coming but I also have been stressed over the whole thing. What if they don't like here? What if what have prepared isn't good enough? What if? What if? All sort of things have gone through my mind, some are good, some terrifies me. Even on the way to airport, I was still a bit worried. I even brought a book to calm my mind. I have not even get to the page, saw John and Sue pushing the carts out of the door. Yay, they are here! Hugs and greetings! We took the limo to downtown, sending John and Sue through memory lane. It was 8 years ago when they first came to Vancouver and they "accused" me who has "seduced" them to Canada. It slowly worked ways into their mind. Well, I am happy to hear that. Long slow process!

I was so released that they were not turned off by the construction and even happier to hear they shouting in excitement when they walked into the new home I prepared for them. A huge release, all my worries went out the window. They feel home here! The best thing I could ever hope for. It was way better than what I have imagined. Of course I was perinoyed (I can't spell!!). We then went out bought the beds, got John a new iphone, had dinner at Kiisu which they loved, finished off with grocery shopping at Urban Fair and came home to relax. We now retreated to our rooms and I am feeling so accomplished. John has brought something for me, he has brought me openness, totally harmonious without doubt close friendship. Home is becoming this round circle. He has brought a piece of old Shanghai I have been missing so much, my old home. What a lovely feeling! Life is soooooo good to me. I must have done something good.

It has been a while

I have not blogged for a while. There are mega yoga days and there are no yoga days. There are days I had good intention to do yoga but never do. There are days I just want to do yoga all day and actually do it. Of course it was at Yaletown Yoga with my teachers. I can't believe how much I enjoy my teachers. My life become newer every time I saw them, pretty awesome. Love to see them and take lessons from them over and over again.

I was quite stressed lately and I don't quite know why. My life has always busy with one thing or another, hectic days are not unusual things, but I was quite stressed and I don't quite know why. Tonight our upstairs tenants moved out and we did the walk through and said good bye. Nice chat and heartfelt good-byes. On the way home, I realized that Brandon and Glen are not going to be living there. The reality of they are not living there anymore sat in and I could not hold back my tears. I sat on the couch and wept. Feeling quite silly but not really. They have been part of our lives for so many years. Vivian was only 8 or 9 and has been their cat sitter when they went away on holidays. We have lots of fun memory with them around. We were all much younger then. We still had our hammock in our living room and fed them spring rolls which had mushroom in it. Glen did not like it when he found out (although if I did not mention it, he was quite enjoying them. Haha). They got married while they lived there. Always heart felt hello and good-byes when we saw each other. We did not hang together, but feel close.

I cried and cried. Talked to Daryl and laughed at myself. It took me a while for the tears to stop. Interesting thing is that I noticed about the stress I have been feeling lately started to go away. The heaviness lifted. I guess the whole time I tried not to think about it and acknowledge it, it loaded on me and weighs heavy on me. Now I cried, I am actually feeling better and less stressed. Not only that, I did not hide it from Brandon either. I texted Brandon about my tears. I was open about my feeling. Quite interesting things to be aware. How often we hold back our feeling then it creeps on us? Need to be open, be direct with oneself and with others. Let other know that they are loved. How wonderful is that!

This afternoon Christine's class actually touched on that, about friendship, about openness. She asked us why friendship was important. My comments was that friends allow us to be open and truthful. She asked what "be truthful" means. I thought about it and said "well, it is not easy to define, I guess that it means to be able to speak what's on our mind without much of manipulation." (In other words, be real.) I need to be more of that. I hide my feeling often and thought that showing my feeling is showing my weakness. Of course I could be hurt or laughed at sometimes, but it worth the risk because otherwise we won't find true friends. It would be a bigger risk.

today

A very strange day today. I had an appointment to do a move-out-check-up with a tenant. Expecting nothing unusual, I let Kerrie know that I would be in the meeting and if I am running late, she can go and handle it for me. I did run late from another meeting, I also knew Kerrie has already on her way there. For some reason, I decided to go so called Kerrie and let her know that I am running late but on my way. Rick has been a good tenant, a fairly successful entrepreneur I believe. Usually it indicates a rather smooth handing-over-everything type of thing. I was in a quite good mindset, happy and content. Nice hello and we went up to the suite, casually chatting and I started to go through the suite to see anything needed to be addressed. Rick said that he paid the cleaners 354 dollars for the cleaning while I was opening cabinets, fridge doors etc. Notice some food in the fridge so I asked if it is his food. Microwave was quite dirty and also the stove. It does not seem to be that the cleaner has done a good job so I asked him who is the cleaner, maybe he should contact them to come back to do a touch-up. A bunch of swearing words flowed out Rick's mouth, he yelled at me about how unreasonable I was and cursing me. I was stunned. How could it be? I thought that I was dreaming as I could not believe my ears and what continues to flow out of his mouth, someone who I thought was a gentleman not too long ago. I tried to stop his abusive language and he said something even surprised me more. He said something like that "There is nothing wrong with my language as it is just part of my regular vocabulary, no one should judge that as been inappropriate." I am shocked to my core that he actually said that. Feeling surreal. Of course I stand firm on my ground that he has to clean the suite appropriate or we will have someone come do a cleaning. He became more livid and more abusive, but I did not back off. I looked him straight in his eyes and firmly stated my point. The owner Lucy came over as well and he decided to abuse her as well. I nearly lost my temper but I was very careful as I am professional and have to handle the situation no matter what. I don't how many times I have to repeat the points until he understood that I was not going to change my statement regardless how loud and abusive he got to. The meeting ended and he said that he would get it cleaned before 8 pm tonight and we would meet again.

Bewildered and shocked by his behavior, I had hard time to concentrate to do any other work the rest of afternoon. I thought that I would go to yoga, then thought I would stay and try to relax and shake the nasty feeling off. I was so indecisive and don't know what to do for a while. 4:30 class past, then 5:45 class past then decided definitely not going. I was going to cook something to eat so made a simple tofu dish and started to eat at 6 pm. Half way through my dish, I suddenly burst into tears. Very sudden, very fast and very unprepared. I crawled into my bed and sobbed. What was I sobbing? It was not like a little girl being bullied. I was saddened by his comment that it is nothing inappropriate, it is just his vocabulary. How and when are we convinced that verbal abuse is totally fine? Just because it is filled in our media so it is a norm now? And this guy is fully convinced by it. Astonishing! And this guy is seemed very respectable citizen. My jaw is falling off and I am weeping. I started to see that there are times I think that it is ok to swear because I was angry or irritated. I was just as ridiculous as what Rick said. We started to accept that being ok regardless its rippling effect. I wept even more. I decided to go to 630 yoga. I need to really breathe and I was not doing a good job breathing. Sjanie's class, advanced one too. I thought that it would be good for me to sweat a few confusion out, the ugly picture and ugly memory.

Sjanie was there behind the counter when I arrived. She folded herself forward to thank me about my facebook message and commented on my comments. I naturally talked to her about the incidence and why I came to the class. We seemed to understand each other well about what I was trying to say. I said that I just need to breathe and don't know what else at this point. My mind was not too busy during class. I breathe and breathe. After the class, I felt that I was centered again and gave Sjanie a big hug (first time) and shared some thoughts. We both agreed that it did not happen just randomly. I need to hug in my mid line and hold the light and magically I was feeling it. Walking out the studio feeling solid under my feet and my head uncluttered. I went to the meeting with Rick again...

I simply want to be there

Yesterday I went to 6:45 am Power class and did 3 Power classes and 2 Anusara classes, went to Danielle's Yoga/Dance workshop in the evening. Total of 8 hours. I simply want to be there. When I finish at 11 pm at night, my body did not give me any grief, it feels like I just finished one class. I lost at least 2 pounds yesterday thanks to my new digital scale. Good experience. I did not know what kind of shape I would be in after 8 hours Yoga, but I was not worrying about it. I was simply content that I was there and I could be there. I thought about Megan's words a lot "Annie, you are strong, maybe just not connected yet." I was contemplating on connection mostly yesterday.

Self-doubt creates lots of negative energy in our body. When I do a pose, I have to fight the thought and keep the pose. My body will lose focus and tremble. I notice that the shaking and trembling were not quite there yesterday which added so much ease in my poses which makes 8 hours like just one class.

After a night of sleep, my body has this evenly sore, it was not disabiliting-type of sore, it is just showing me where I have worked at yesterday. The whole body I think. Very few muscle did not get some kind of workout yesterday. I am very thankful for being able to do it.

Amazing stories (draft)

This Victoria Day weekend is full of stories and excitements:

Friday was my mom's 73rd birthday and I have planned a birthday dinner for her and invited mum and dad (daryl's mum and dad). Vivian and I had brought candles, cake, flower, balloon to add some flavor to the celebration. We hid those stuff in our bedroom. We brought some sparkling candle and some nice long candles. Long story short, we finished the dinner and ask everyone to wait. Vivian and I ran to the bedroom to get the cake ready. Lighting the candles on our chaise and we did our best to get most of candles lit and rushed out to sing Happy Birthday! There are cards and gift and while I was reading/translating mum's card to mom, we heard crackling from the bedroom which is kind of strange. Daryl went to bedroom to check out and we heard "fire" shortly. I dropped the card and rushed there. Our bedroom is on fire, huge cloud of black smoke filled the room and somehow my mind was calm and clear as glass. Daryl has rushed to get everyone to get some water. I walked into the room and grabbed flaming cushions, blankets, pillows and throw them off the deck onto to lawn. Some amber and melted material are still have fire on them, Daryl, Vivian and everyone else pour water onto them and fire was out. Quite a bit of damage but we were released that the whole house did not go up in flame. We worked together to scrape the debris off the floor and try to wipe things down... We slept in the burned bedroom that night and discussed what just happened and how amazing it was that we had everything under control without any grief, regrets, panic and sadness. Everyone worked very hard but not remorse and negative feelings.

Saturday, Erin came over with her cleaning tool joined our cleaning endeavor. The walls and furniture was thoroughly washed. We did tons of laundry, we refinished our chaise and will put it out in the garden. The chaise turned out amazingly beautiful. I grabbed some Christmas wrapping paper and decorate the burned area so we are not stare at the burned wall all the time. Things are beautiful again after about 12 busy hours of everyone working together.

Sunday I invited Kerrie to come over for some pancakes. She brought her friend Margo and we all standing around the kitchen chatting. Daryl asked Vivian:"What is China's greatest invention?" Vivian said:"My mom." then looked at Daryl said "Can't argue with that, can you?" The room were silent with awe, especially me. That night Daryl and I talked about and Daryl said "I was trying to be funny but Vivian was poignant. Poignant beats funny any day in my dictionary." I would never forget this amazing weekend.

Kerrie also told us a story about auntie Jeanne's house. Auntie has passed away quite a while ago and her house was on the market for a while and could not sell. There is a lady who is phychic told auntie's son that his mom has treasure in the backyard and the house won't sell till the treasure is digged out. Richards thought about and said if his mom had any kind of treasure, it would be used during her lifetime and certainly won't buried. He and his sister discussed and went to garden digged out the peony tree. 3 days later, the house was sold.

A thought came to me this morning: I am going to write lots of small stories about my life experience and today I am starting to make notes. I will publish them in Chinese. It will be my contribution to China.

Mother's day - Yogi and Boo Boo

I have slept yesterday during various parts of day, various spot. What a workout last week at Yoga! Saturday's class done me in. Shelly taught me to successfully do a teddy bear stand in the middle of room (means not against wall. Christine's class afterwards is intermediate/advanced. I worked very hard try to manage each pose. Although I opt out a few long strenuous poses to prevent injury, I did a lot. On Mother's day, I really feeling it. My whole body was evenly sore and apparently tons of sleep needed too. I slept on the deck in the morning, afternoon on the couch, late afternoon at the first period and half of Canucks game. (Yes, we won the war. The boys are warriors yesterday, very impressive.). Evening on the couch till 1 am, slept in till 8:30 am. I have set some record I believe. If not, very close.

This morning, our yoga cat woke Daryl up at 6 am, miaowing in the living room loudly. Daryl thought she caught a mouse or something. He got up to see what she was stress about. Grace standing where my yoga mat should be and demand a practice immediately. What a yoga cat! Incredible. Inspired by our yoga cat, I will practice now.

Have a good day and smile!

returning student

I have been away for 10 days and attended one class last night. Although I do Yoga here and there on my own, not the same as in a small class with the teacher. When I entered the practice room, I felt especially calm. I was ready and more than ready. That was how I feel. I wanted a very long session, say 8 hours if it was possible. I was in my element (felt that way anyway).

I was glad that we were asked to do handstand against the wall. I thought that I would have enough guts to kick up but no success. I kicked pretty high and I knew that it was not I could not, it was because I was holding back. When Christine asked us to try the 2nd time, I asked openly about my issue. I wanted to get it done. Christine encouraged me firmly and offer to stand there for me. That was what I needed. I kicked up and did my first hand stand ever. I was very calm and excited. Interesting combo.

I want to practice more with no fear but acceptance. I had a taste last night and I enjoyed it very much.

Time to blog about my Yoga again

I took a five day break for a number of reason: work load, exhaustion and weekend visit with friends. A bit too long. This morning when I got up, our Grace (cat) lead to my yoga mat in the living instead of her bowl in the kitchen. What a cat! Now we have to refer her as a Yoga cat.

A nice 60 minutes with Jo was fabulous. Grace was monitoring me the whole time. When I was done, she then went out to the garden for a stroll. What a cat! I love her too much! Princess Grace.

A session of stretching really make my body go ahhhhhhhhh. I went out to the garden and ask Daryl to be my "wall" so I could do a head stand in our lawn. I am still working on the free standing. It will come on its due course. My arm stand lasted over a second today. Yay!

a thought

After yesterday's Power class, my joints are kinds of feeling space there. It is rather interesting feeling. In the result, I did not go to the evening Anusara class. Actually I went but missed the start by 2 minutes so I had some tea and chatted with Allan briefly and headed over to the office to finish up some work I did not get to complete as I went shopping in the afternoon (tee hee). It was meant to be. It may not be a good idea to exhaust myself yesterday so I have been looked after somehow. See, go with the flow.

This morning I was not planned to get up early to the early Power class and I did not think that I would wake up early anyway, but I did, just past 5. So phoned mom and dad in Shanghai (kind of surprised them as I usually don't call this early), and spoke to mom about taking some supplements and of course knowing mom she has a way to irritate me. I was mindful though so I caught myself before I went over the edge. Yeah, more prepared and more mindful. With them coming over in a month, I need to be very mindful about our relationship. It is a tricky one.

After the call, I got up and decided to go to early Power instead. Cathy is the teacher this morning, she is the first one in my age group I think and even could be older than me. Sound pretty ancient I know. Right away after the lesson started, I noticed the difference. Cathy is quite "formal yoga" i should say. I don't know the right word to describe. I recognize the style, because it is in me or was in me. More strict, not loose enough, still not the right words. Anyway, I noticed that younger teachers are looser and more joyful and bolder. The class is not too hard today compared to the one I had yesterday with Danielle but felt serious. Which do I prefer? If I have not been doing Yoga, I might be more open to Cathy as a teacher, but I had so much fun lately with other young teachers (in their 20's and 30's), I have to say I prefer the young teachers. Surprising, isn't it? I am open to the young crowds now instead judging them from someone who came before them stand point of view, I am appreciating them. The world is shifting. Compare to our parents` generation, we are looser and more daring, but the new generation is even looser and more fun. I like that. I like the fact that I see it now instead of stricted by my own shell. I have came out.

Notice the difference of the teaching, I decided to stay with teacher and worked on my mind during class. I tried to maintain the calm mind, focus on my move and try to transcend from my move. I learned something about training my mind. It will really help me with the relationship with my mom especially. Learn to accept and press forward with my practice. Remembering what Christine said the other day "We practice because we forget.". It helps us to remember.

Sweaty Morning

This morning is opposite of yesterday. I woke up at 5:15 am. Fooling around on the computer for a while and it was still early like 6:15 am and decided to go to Yoga class. Of course it was not planned. It was Danielle's Power. Only one hour, I figure that I could squeeze it in before my day starts. I have not been to Power for about a month. Last class I attended and I was only managing to do 40-50% of the class so I stick with Anusara for a while. Today was unexpected.

It was good. I don't think that I have ever sweat that much in my life. I always admire the fellow yogi beside who could sweat up a storm. Today I did it, beads of sweats emerge from me as a underground hot spring has just surfaced. I love it. I can sweat too. Yay! Weird reaction I know. I don't think that anyone else is that obsessed with sweats as I do. For someone who could not sweat, it is a big deal, it is revolutionary. High Five! I am feeling the Power.

I will go to more classes later today. Feeling awesome! Did I say "Work, Sleep, Yoga"? No kidding.

a well balanced day

I slept in today unexpectedly. Very sweet to wake up and it was 8:40 am. A solid 10 hours sleep. Work today has a good flow and gets quite a bit out of way. Went to 2 yoga classes afterwards. I have to say that I absolutely enjoy the walk to the yoga. Each practice means something new. I am more and more immersed in the practice. Each practice becomes a deep meditation too.

Something I noticed today, almost every yoga teacher is younger than me but I feel that they are wiser than me. It is such a good thing. The world will go to a better place that way. I am very humbled and happy.

a close call to a hand stand today

Return to Yyoga for lesson today after a 10 days' absence. My cold is quite manageable now. Ran into Syanne's advanced class. Yay, I was dripping wet again.

When we were called to do a handstand, I was almost there. The only thing hold me back is me. I was a little unsure about how I would manage after I kicked up. I remembered the time Vivian and I did our first headstand. Her little whisper of "mom, I did it" gave me so much encouragement and I rid of my hesitation and kicked up. I am sure if she was here today, we would be up there together. What a sweet memory we had together! Thank you Vivian and I miss you!

Yoga's "off the mat and on the mat" practice has helped me tremendously. I looked around the very full class today, most of people are younger than me including the teacher. How blissful it is! It is so good to see so many young yogis.

live in the moment

Releasing fear and live in the moment are two things connected. I have never thought about it till this morning. Fear often is about what might happen, that is our mind travels to the unknown future and speculating the negative consequences. To live in the moment is an antidote for fear itself. Just thought of that, my breath is getting lighter and fresher.

I have fears surface when I least expected. It is good to recognize them and toss them into a trash can unless I was standing on the edge of cliff then I should recognize it and listen to it. I should say fear about future we can generally toss.

a day of a thousand seeds

Since spring is here, we started our spring gardening today. I have loads of seed packets. Lay them all out on the kitchen island, a bit of overwhelming looking at them but also excited. Lots of work, but look at the colour. It is very encouraging. I start to see the colors showing up in our garden.

After a day of hard work, I have only a dozen of packets left for green house use tomorrow. Patience is virtue when it comes to gardening. Miracle in the making!

feel like spring

Nice sunny outside today. Grace came out and passionately rolled herself in the lawn. I was watching her supple body joyfully rolling back and forth in the lawn. I was inspired. I lay myself down, rolling back and forth like our kitty cat then lay myself in the grass. What a beautiful time! Daryl and I both noticed humming birds have returned and was looking for our feeders. We rolled ourselves off the grass and went inside get our sugar water ready for them.

Last night I tried to do some Anusara with Yogaglo and did not finish the lesson. The teacher was talking a bit of too much and I was irritated so I got myself out of the lessons. Check another teacher and mood was not there so I quited. I decided to try different style to see if I can find a teacher I enjoy learning from. Yay, I found Jo of Vinyasa Flow. I did 2 lessons this evening and really loved it. I love Jo's style - graceful, poised and speaks succinctly. I think that it is important for a teacher not try to please during the lessons, therefore for myself, not try to please in life too.

A great day indeed!

Way of life

Today is the last day of Easter holiday. Things are settling again and my mind is still in the quiet place. I like my state of mind: calm, less affected by unfavorable situation. Joy and love are enhanced when things are going good, but not risking go to the other extreme. Last Saturday I was chatting with Erin about my yoga triggered by her question "you look really good". Yes, the changes in me are noticeable, physically and I also noticed more mentally. I demonstrated a few pose that I felt that more on the challenge side and I DID MY VERY FIRST PUSH-UP. Wow, it took me 40 years to get here. The feeling is incredible. I tried my splits and I was quite close. Very happy to know. My body is feeling like a well oiled machine and is ready to go.

I am amazed that the gentle form by Yoga has given me strength and not just any strength, it is core strength. Once you have core strength, the result comes almost like effortless.

A Yogaless day

Today is a day that I tried to go to Yoga 3 times and none prevailed. Work and all other things kept me away from it. All 3 times. It was in my thoughts. For me, yoga has taught me to live in the moment. Things are clearer and more aligned, not just my body, my thoughts and my awareness. I know, it sounds pretty empty talk, but it is not. I am experiencing and aware of it. Real cool thing. Coolest time in my life.

I noticed that I was irritated a few times, maybe about 6-8 times in total. It may sounds a lot, but it is not. I am counting every small irritations. I noticed that as soon as I start to feel the irritations, I noticed right away so I managed to direct it to a different energy, then it dissolved.

I had pretty hard work day. All sorts of matters need my attention and response and I worked late. By the end of day, I still manage to remain in a blissful mind. Vivian and I went to Blenze to have our favorite hot chocolate. We sat outside under the heating lamps. Really hot, a sauna pretty much. We sat there and talked about "what if"s, our favorite topic. We got to pick our magics, Vivian's "time stopping" and "mind reading" magic and my "invisible" magic. We dreamed about all sorts of scenarios until we start to notice that we started to sweat under the heat. Stroll through town, pick up some nibblies from Urban Fair and landed home. Now we sprawling out in our Zen room and zoomed out to our own spaces. I am sipping on some Amaretto and surprise surprise, blogging and Vivian playing with my iphone. I love time, it is a rich stream of events, thoughts, sensations and beauties.

I am not looking forward to anything but enjoying the current moment. It is the best ever time, that is "now".

To learn to love and accept myself

This morning we did lots of splits type of stretching. It is the part I want to do most and fear most. It was intense and painful for me. It is more painful than it should be though, because fear adds at least 50% more pain.

Do I have fear in my life? The answer is a big YES. Fears come from wanting things too much. Fear of not getting it, fear of screwing up, fear of losing something or someone, fear of the pain we have to endure to get where we are going. The impatience in other words. Let go. Let go of my fear, my deepest fear. I know what it is-fear of not being loved. As Shelly mentioned in the class, we have to love ourselves. I need to do that, to love and accept myself. It will naturally take away the fear of not being loved.

I need to let go and I will as I am learning to let go of fear about my tight hamstring.

bending

Bending is so good and so addictive. I love what it does to me. It is like a spring cleaning for my body.

Sean actually mentioned "Yoga High" in the class. I am so happy to hear. Last Saturday Vivian and I "floating" around in Yaletown are a common phonomenon, yay! I really love that feeling, feeling weightless and utter bliss. More to come, great news!

How I love sitting in my zen room after Yoga. I am sitting here imagining the day that I could do a split and feel ease in it, the bliss that comes with it is going to be fascinating. Today's class, I was not sure if I was in a Ballet class. The pose are literally Ballet pose and those what I considered difficult. I am rather thrilled that one day, maybe one day I can do it with grace. Life is good that you can still have hope to learn that after you reach 40. I love that thought. See, 40, my life just started. If I am going to live till I am 80, I have half of my life left, it is better to be good. I am looking forward to my journey.

Back in the saddle

After 4 days of break, I am back to my exercises. Yes, I do miss it and think 4 days are a bit too long as a break, but it was a good break.

I did not sweat as much today maybe I was not pushing hard enough. Speak of obstacles in my body, the split pose is definitely one. I see the distance ahead of me and I am not approaching the light fast. A bit by bit is what I can expect from this and maybe stall at most of time. At least I am making tiny progress.

I am planning on doing 3 tomorrow to through my body back into the stretch land and my mind to a stillness.

day 2 of the break

I have done Yoga in two days. It was intentional. It is nice to give my body a nice break to recover a bit.

I am missing it though. The flow it brings to my life is so supple and juicy. I need to be at Yoga tomorrow.

Our first head stand

Yay, Vivian and I did our very first headstand yesterday together. We are so happy and are filled with joy.

Got to go now. Chat later!

...

Now here is later. I meant to write yesterday but yesterday was full of excitements and I was busy savoring the moments and literally no time to sit down and write. Of course, there are many things on my plate as well, but I managed to get what has to be done done and leave the rest of time enjoying the time.

Vivian and I went to Shelly's class together yesterday. Shelly often surprises me with her teaching. I don't usually have any expectation going in but come out with some surprise. Biggest surprise was our headstands. When we are called to try our headstands, I was not expected me to be able to do it at all and was only hoping that it might bring me closer. Vivian was right beside me trying. I heard that she whispered "mom I am up" and I peaked over and saw her straight up on her head and I was instantly encouraged and I kicked and I was up there. Quite amazing feeling. We both were very happy there upside down and feeling comfortable.

Shelly was talking about "going against grain" at the beginning of the class. I thought about it after the lessons. Yes, it is one of our biggest lessons in life, when things are not going our way, it is the best opportunity for us to grow and get beyond our old selves. I don't really like on warrior post, holding my head down and with my arm stretching under my leg and linked with my other arm stretching. I don't like it when I am facing adversary either. Something I have to learn. I will learn to like the things I don't like.

an easy day

We both took it easy today. Vivian went to Yhot at noon and I did a lesson with Sean in the evening. No double or triple today so it feels like a holiday. We had a chance to recoup our body. My body was sore but not terribly. After the lesson tonight I actually do not feel sore any more, kind of strange that way. You would think that it should be other way around. Yoga is a strange experience, surprise me in many ways. I did Lotus sitting for the first time today. Yay! See, a small triumph all the time. Sean's class is the intermediate/advanced one. I was quite entertained to watch him to put his leg behind his shoulder then behind his head and in such an ease. He looks very comfortable in it. This guy is mode of rubber, no doubt about it. I suspected it the first time I took his lesson. 11 years of being yogi hah! I wonder when I would be able to put my leg behind my head and feel comfortable in it. I can say that I am really looking forward to it. Some might say that it is odd that anyone would have desire to do that, but for me it really motivates me somehow.

Be still and power

After 2 session (3 hours) of Anusara with Sean, Vivian and I are not feeling a hint of tiredness. Both of us really liked the lessons with Sean. We thought that it would be a hard evening for us to pull through consider we have done one just before one. The outcome is totally surprising and uplifting.

As we go into the class without any expectation and only hope that we can somehow manage two lessons, really to my surprise that I learned something transforming today. Sean has required us go to a perfect still after some hard poses. Our normal tendency is to try to loose up a bit, adjust our body to a comfortable spot through moving this and that of our bodies. His instruction is to resist and just come to a perfect still. I followed the instruction and find that I was instantly improved after the stillness when I try to do the same hard pose afterwards. Be still is something I always talked about, but actually truly go there is really a first time and the power comes after is fascinating. We also learned a new breath method through alternating our breath through our nostril before we end the session. I truly felt it at the end of 2nd class. My body quieted down and centered. I feel that I was so rested and light and I was walking in cloud nine. I have to say, of 40 years of my life, my body has never felt so good. That is astonishing.

Both Vivian and I said that if Sean is teaching another class, we will be staying and continuing. What a beautiful surprise! Both of us have prepared ourselves to be totally exhausted by now. We look at each other in awe.

Walking around Yaletown afterwards was so heavenly. It is the 2nd blog of my day and I have to document this.

We will have such beautiful sleeps tonight. Good night!

Spring is upon us

Vivian and I have goal together - do three Anusara classes. Our first time together again. Of course she has not done it and I did not either. I did 3 mixed sessions before but not 3 Anusara.

We just finished our session 1. Christine's advanced class. Lots of energy and of course I could not do some of the poses in the class but I really like it. I got some tips from the lady beside me and hope that I could move a little ahead towards my head stand. I managed to do a couple of things that I could not do before. Yay! Always love that. Today is also a special day for Christine, it is her Godmother's service which she could not attend. In the end of the session, she sang "over the rainbow" in honor of her aunt Lois. We are all lying in our backs with our eyes closed. I was choking with tears hearing her lovely voice singing that very familiar song. When Vivian just started to learn piano, I used to sing that song all the time accompanying with my stiff piano playing. I often sang it on top of my lung. I love the song and the feeling came with it. It always remind me our beautiful dreams and sensitivities. I traveled back about 8 years ago in our living room at Homer. Everything was so vivid and fresh. Now Vivian is also in the same room with me. The memory mixed with the connection with Christine's loss (more importantly her beautiful memory of her aunt/Godmother) made my emotion so potent and profound. Our memory is the best gift time gives us. Anytime, we can go back to relive that moment when our heart and soul were open and rejoiced together. One of these days, I will also look back on this day to remember the vibration, the sensation and fullness of this special day. I am very happy for this special gift today. Our time together are limited and savor the moment!

This evening Sean is teaching both classes, let's hope that Vivian and I have enough energy to pull it through. I trust that we will. Ciao!

Vivian's spring break starting today

I had a lesson before I head to horseshoe bay to pick up Vivian. Today is her first day of spring break. I am going to have a few days of fun with my teenage daughter. We have been talking about going to yoga together. As anyone who has teenage at home, we all have learned not to make assumption or have expectation. I am so used to her plugging in her iPod and we would have fairly simple conversation then she will be immersed in her music and lots of text messages with her friends.

Vivian slips into the car and first thing she said was "Oh, mom, YOU LOOK SO GOOD! What happened to you? You are so different and you are glowing. Your skin looks so amazing. What did you do? What's going on? You look amazing! I feel that I need to get to know you again. I love you!..." I was quite stunned. I have not heard so many good compliments come out of Vivian all at once and so passionately (maybe when she was 4). I just ran out my yoga class, no time for shower, I don't even know what shape my hair was in. My skin?! Well, I have just used the towel provided to wipe off my sweats and not even a wash. Glowing? I peeked into the rear view mirror trying to see if there is any miracle. I am radiating?

We had such good time chatting together driving down the highway heading back to downtown. The topic was mostly about the yoga, what we are going to do together this weekend and how much yoga we are going to do together. Vivian is so looking forward to tonight's session.

To tell the truth, before I picked her up or even a few days ago, I was fully prepared not to overwhelm her about doing yoga with me. I will certainly encourage her to try the yoga, so I was planning to get her unlimited pass and show her the 2 locations in downtown. She might take a lesson with me out of courtesy then she would be encouraged to go try her own lessons without me. No, I was wrong. She is excited to do the lessons with me and I AM SO HAPPILY SURPRISED. The Sun is just getting brighter by the minute. I am feeling absolutely awesome. NO exaggeration here at all. We zipped home. Get changed and went out to have a bite to eat at Yopo. Vivian loved the food there. We stroll over to Yyoga to get Vivian registered and acquainted there. Tania was there and she gave Vivian a very warm welcome. My worry about Vivian would be embarrassed to be seen with her mom is goooooooooone. She was delighted the whole time. We zipped home again. Went to her orthodontists appointment, went to Lululemon's original store in Kits to pick up some sports bras. Zipped to our very first Yoga class together and of course it is Anusara class. Trish is teach the Friday evening class. It is perfect because I have never taken a lesson from Trish and that is something I could share with Vivian as our very first. She thoroughly enjoyed the class and she did very well. I was so thrilled to hear that she really really liked the class. We picked up our leftovers from lunch and headed out to the street in the night. We headed to Robson and picking the leftover from the box. It was some Shanghai noodle and we were using our hands. It tastes soooooo good that way. Vivian had a little concern about our manner and I laughed and said "thank goodness we are not famous. We have total freedom to eat while we walk and not to worry someone might recognize us. It is great to be nobody." I holding my hand really wide like a Yoga pose and enjoyed that freedom. We had good chuckles and strolling down the street and ended up in Chapters. Vivian was in 7th's Heaven. She loves read and we stayed there till there is announcement about store closing. Grabbed a few books and we walked out with high spirits. I introduced her to the little "hole in the wall" which sells amazing Eastern Meditterannean food (Shawarma I believe). $6.25 and weighed like a lead in your hand. Vivian took a bite and exhaled in excitement "AMAZING, BEST EVER!" She ate the whole thing in a few blocks of walking on Granville heading home (about 10 pm at night, Granvill still quite lively. Oh, I love Vancouver, something magic in the air all the time.).

I don't know why I am writing blog now. Is it to keep a log about my yogi life? Is it a took to keep me motivated. A training log. So far, it has been hand in hand with my yoga practice and I seems to have a lot to write about. About my new findings, about the changes in me, about whatever. I am enjoying this.

Good night!

Reach the valley

Today is the day I have reached the valley. I have put so much in yesterday's sessions and I am feeling worn out today. I reduce a session today and I think that my body appreciated the consideration. It still cries when I went to 6:30 session. Shelly was teaching, intermediate and advanced. I don't think that my body likes that idea. It did cry and I am almost in tears in the class. I am a bit surprised the fact that I would like to cry. What am I? A baby?! Yes, I was. I also miss Daryl. Well, in short, I am whinny today (only to myself though). You see, body and mind are two different things. I totally experience it today. My mind keeps pushing and my body says when is enough. I have to be the mediator, let my body cry a bit, let my mind be happy that I still go and I still try. Here are the 3 in 1 - my body, my mind and me. Now body and mind are pretty easy to figure out, but who is "me"? Quite odd. Now 3 of us sitting together listening to the Beatles and blogging. We are somewhat in harmony right now. "It has been a hard day's night." Is that what I am hearing the Beatles singing? They sure understand me. It's all good now.

I was chatting with the girls at front desk afterwards and I summarized 3 teachers' energy. Christine totally energize me, Sjanne empower me so I tried so hard that I would be totally exhausted in the end, Shelly brings me new findings. Don't get me wrong, they all energize, empower and challenge me, but they do impress me with their distinctive qualities. Very good teachers!

Sitting in my Zen room reaching my euphoria, I did not think that I will get here today. Here I am:-)

an absolutely gorgeous day

Today I tried a new schedule. JianQin called and inspired me to go to 10 am class instead of 2 in the afternoon. We had a very nice lunch at Rodney afterwards. Back to office to do some work and went to 6:30 pm class. See, my work-yoga-sleep schedule works quite well. After the 6:30 session, I am a little exhausted. I gather enough energy to go grab some grocery at Urban Fair and hit home on my comfy couch. I am lucky that I am not hitting bed right away. I am really feeling it. A hot bath? I think that I might have enough energy for it.

Everyday I reached a new level. Yesterday was the "L" stand, well, today I managed to sweat at my wrist. Beads of sweats magically appeared after each strenuous poses. It is hard to believe that holding a position and be still could take that much of you. I tried not collapse before the teacher telling us to move to a downward dog pose or "wutonasana" (a pose that you fold your body up with all your extremities on the floor very close to each other and your head hugs your shim.). Now I treasure these time as they are "relaxing". See, it is all relative. I remember the first time I was asked to do dog pose and wutonasana, I can hardly get there let alone hold there. Now it is a breeze. Something to celebrate for sure. I am not trembling violently while I am holding warrior pose now. If I am in a good mindset, I can even fool people that I am in peace with my pose. My Shaolin martial art teacher should be happy to hear that. I was a very poor martial art student for sure. I am hoping to become a better yoga student.

I do pay a lot of attention to my sweats as I mentioned it over and over again, simply because I have never exert myself to sweat furiously before. What a pampered life I had! Something got to change before it is too late. I hate that I reached an age that I could not afford to exert myself and have to accept my feeble physical state. It will be a great sadness. I am glad that I caught myself before it is too late.

Although my body is exhausted and sore a bit (a nice kind of sore though), I know that it is looking forward to tomorrow's classes. How could I not go to bed in ecstasy and peace? I simply can't. Isn't life beautiful? Yes, I am feeling every bit of vitality in my body and feeling alive. I am loving it. Good night!

happy finding

For a while, I thought that I would never get my toned body back(not so toned in my 20's, but it is relatively toned). I think that it is coming back and possibly will surpass my all time tone eventually. The changes come rather quickly and I did not feel any stressed joint pain from doing yoga. Instead, I feel all my joints are strengthened. I really like the result. The changes on my body and inside my body. They are tying together. I love the power within even as a beginner. I certainly want to keep up with the practice. When I am away from Vancouver, I need self discipline though. That one scares me but I am working on it. I should not be in fear of myself. I should check with the teachers today to get some insights how to stay in path when the support are not there (I mean the classes, teachers and groups).

Back to Back Anusara

I missed the session in the morning so I decided to go for 2 back to back later in the afternoon. Christine then Sjanne, 2 teachers I really benefit from. I always feel more energetic after Christine's class, today was the same. I did "L" stand at Sjanne's class first try. I am very very happy. I almost feel that I am closer to handstand. Quite thrilling and uplifting feeling even though I was upside down. Christine did demonstration and I start to realize that hand stand is simply reverse of our normal stand. We are simply taught to stand straight up and if we reverse the function of our legs and our arms, walla, here comes hand stand. With that concept, I start to understand how I should stand. I just have to imagine that my arms are my legs, my shoulder blades are my butt cheeks. The feel starts to come. I am looking forward to my very first handstand. I don't know when it will come to me, but I am patient. Sounds odd, isn't it? I am patient?! Haha. You never know.

walking home, I feel my body pulling together, a youthful feeling. Ya.......

I am going to do back to back again tomorrow. My day is just getting better.

Empowered

It was a nice weekend indeed. We went to see Shawnigan Lake School`s musical play `Kiss Me Kate` in Duncan on Saturday. Well, I was totally blown away by the amazing performance of these amazing kids including Vivian who has done superb job doing makeups. It was not kind of school play I expected. I have never imagined that it would be so good. Now I really am sorry that I missed the first 2 years. Well, I certainly will not miss any now. Those kids have full schedule doing academics and sports. How they could pull off something so good I simply do not know. Of course, the teachers at SLS are certainly incredible if they manage to mold our kids into such fine young groups. Hats off to all of them!

Back to my Yoga lesson tonight. It was my first time at Sjanie's lesson. She is very empowering. I was nicely stirred or calmed (depends how you look at it) before the session starts. My doubt about how I would do at this lesson melted away and only has gentle determination or kind persuasion towards my body left to stay. It was not an easy one, but I pulled my strength together to get through 1 hour and half's pretty demanding session. As someone who does not sweat usually (I mean it literally), sweats kept dripping into my eyes, mouths and ears. Lots of upside down poses so the liquid had a free flowing time. I simply can't wait for tomorrow's sessions. It is a very good sign that I am actually looking forward to my lessons. Had some spicy wonton and pork dumplings at Yopo as my dinner. My life is complete.

Tomorrow is another beautiful day!

Learn to pace myself

This morning I was quite wanting to go to Yoga class before I headed over to the island to see Shawnigan's musical. The class I could manage to is between 9:30 and 11. Then I have to rush to catch 12:30 Ferry. Very attempting indeed. I looked around my room. Things are a bit disorganized. There are laundry to be done. Paper to be sorted out. Things to pack. I could leave the mess behind and go do the Yoga or I can take a bit of time to organize things before I took off. I am glad that I stayed to do the chores. By the time I left, my room is way more organized and I was able to leave in the ease.

Why is it significant to mention? Knowing me in the past, I would choose to go to the class as it is what I wanted to do. I often don't know how to pace myself. I immersed myself in things I am passionate about and leave everything else in disarray. What I need to pay attention is my patience. Yoga is not a week or two mission, it is my commitment for my long term fitness and mind power. It can wait if this Saturday I could not manage to go. It can fit into my life with flow and grace. I can learn to take time to do something and do it well.

When I left home, I left with a smile inside. A smile for myself. I thank myself to not to react on my impulse.

A good day ahead and a good day being enjoyed right now.

deviation

I went to the Yoga Dance Party tonight. It was not a good choice. Party was hosted in Gastown and it was not a pretty scene on the street at night. Quite eerie. I should have not gone because I did feel a bit of anxiety going there, but I thought that I have expected to go so I should see it through. The whole time I was there, I was not comfortable. Quite cold temperature wise and I did not have a great feeling. I was truly thankful that I did not convince my friend to come with me. It would be a disappointment for both of us. In this case, only me, so good damage control. I finally find a good opportunity to leave and I am thankful that I am home right now.

Well, I will simply stick with my Yoga lessons. I do enjoy them and will continue to enjoy them in a simple way.

Morning Glory

This morning I switched my morning session from Power to Hot and it does not agree with me. The body refuses to do anything in 40 degree and at 7 in the morning. After a week of trying early morning sessions (Power+Yhot), I have concluded that it is not best for me to do that. I did not get out of Power and Hot as much as I get out of Anusara. Anusara is a fine middle ground for me. I am enjoying it more and more.

Last night Christine was teaching again. The session is about courage and humility. I can personally relate to that. I went through some dark points in my life and it took humility to have me come out of that pit and see that light. Courage grows out of humility as of humility is a rich soil which becomes a perfect bed for the seeds of courage to sprout. Yesterday was my one week anniversary of "serious" yoga. I has been strengthed in the past week. Time seems go slower now. I savor the moment more. I understand more or more accurately forget the need to understand. A seed inside me finally starts to germinate. What it will become I don't know but I know that it is benevolent.

Have a great day!

floating

Just got home not for long. I floated home and am ready to float into my bed. Good night!

The start of my day

Alarm woke me up at 6 am. By the time I get myself out of the door, I am a bit late for the Power session. It was raining and I ran a bit. Studio still allowed me to get in the session, but I was somewhat rushed. I was not ready when the session started. I struggled through a few poses and found that it was difficult for me to keep up with the pace. I did not have the power this morning to take up the challenge. So I relaxed and lied on my mat belly up going to a meditation to calm my mind. My mind is quite busy as I need to go to office to get a bunch of "to do"s out of my way today. After the session, I gently moved myself out of the room, chatted with Alex (instructor) and Shaun (another instructor) briefly and then gently floated myself out of the building and headed home. Although I did not follow the instructions through the session, it has helped me that I learnd not to force myself through challenges. In other words, I was not trying to achieve as I normally would have done. I am learning to be patient, to take the time I needed. It is rather new for me, the inner peace is growing in me like a little seed sprouting and I am tending it and watching it grow with amazement. I am feeling the love.

Sitting in the office right now and feel the need to write then I will immersed in my work fully engaged and willingly. Have a good day, everyone!

A blissful state

Today I was suppose to do more office work. It did not happen. After the morning Power session, I realize that my back is very misaligned. Something is blocking me while I was doing the Yoga pose. I was not able to get to that pushing the limit stage at session. It becomes my priority to get my back fixed as soon as possible. Phoned Dr. Hoy for an appointment and was ready to beg an appointment then heard that he was not working on Wednesday. I have to get it down. The urge in me to get more out of Yoga session is so strong that I have to put aside all business and get that addressed. Walk out of home and headed to Urban Chiro in Yaletown. The clinic was not open and I chatted the young guy at reception while Dr. Kurji walked in. The young boy told me that today's appointments are all taken. He just did not know that I am determined to have one today regardless. I simply can not imagine to go to another session without my back be fixed. Doctor saw my determination and agreed to treat me before her day starts. Oh, I feel so good after the cracking. Someone has removed the board from my back and I CAN BENT. You guys do not know how excited I was when my back was adjusted. Imaging a session I can truly push my limit is so rewarding to me.

Christine was teaching Anusara this afternoon at 4:30 pm. It was nice surprise. I really like Christine. She is so gorgeous and giving out so much great energy. She is passionate. Running to her class this afternoon is more than perfect. Before the class start, I can feel the greatness and I anticipated the whole thing. It was amazing. I broke out a good sweat and was energized. After the session, I was not in a hurry to leave. Feel good to hang around so I sat down at the tea area. I am glad that I did. I met Christine and Allen. We had so much to talk about and killed an hour in brink of eyes. I came home and feel well and grounded. Oh, what a good way to end a day! Business is still at back of my mind and I am still mindful about it.

My Yogi Life

I went to Y Yoga for 6:45 am Power session. After the session heading to Urban Fair to get some supplies. While I was in Urban Fair, I broke out a smile whenever someone come towards me. It is not like that I don't smile to strangers before, but this time I feel the difference. The smile came within, something I will refer to as my core. I am fully aware the existence of my core, my inner strength. I only started Yoga class last Thursday out of blue. Friend of mine recommend it while we were having a casual lunch. I felt that I was so out of shape and I do need to do some fitness of some sort. I went to Y Yoga with no expectation simply hoping to find something decent that might motivate me to go on a regular basis. Well, I was stunned. I was enamored by my very first Yin session. I came to some sort of awareness that excited me and calmed me in the same time. When I finish the session, I was beaming and craving more. It was not easy, but I noticed the sutble changes in my body and soul. Yes, I say soul because it was not simply my mind, it went deep. Of course, I went for more. I tried out all the different lessons in Yaletown location in 3 days. What a ride!



I had to leave Vancouver to Victoria to see Vivian row at Regatta on Sunday. I left with unquenched thirsty for more lessons. Sure enough I was back yesterday and went to 2 sessions (Power + Yin) after work. My body was somewhat stiff at Power and I did my best. The Yin session was very relaxing, I think that I even got into a deep meditation stage. I was gentally persuading my body to be more flexible and have more strength. I had a bit to eat before my 12:30 pm ferry coming over and nothing after except water. My body was not hungry even after 10 pm. I did go to Urban Fair afterwards but they are closed. Walking home at night was so peaceful and inspiring. Set up an alarm to get up at 6 am to go to my morning Power session and I am glad that I did drag myself out of bed because the feeling after the session is so soothingly amazing. I would say that it is very close to euphoria. I did notice that I was a bit more flexible than yesterday and a bit more strength within me. That smile I had in Urban Fair is also a sign of strength. Oh, I love yoga, more so I love Y Yoga Yaletown!