today

A very strange day today. I had an appointment to do a move-out-check-up with a tenant. Expecting nothing unusual, I let Kerrie know that I would be in the meeting and if I am running late, she can go and handle it for me. I did run late from another meeting, I also knew Kerrie has already on her way there. For some reason, I decided to go so called Kerrie and let her know that I am running late but on my way. Rick has been a good tenant, a fairly successful entrepreneur I believe. Usually it indicates a rather smooth handing-over-everything type of thing. I was in a quite good mindset, happy and content. Nice hello and we went up to the suite, casually chatting and I started to go through the suite to see anything needed to be addressed. Rick said that he paid the cleaners 354 dollars for the cleaning while I was opening cabinets, fridge doors etc. Notice some food in the fridge so I asked if it is his food. Microwave was quite dirty and also the stove. It does not seem to be that the cleaner has done a good job so I asked him who is the cleaner, maybe he should contact them to come back to do a touch-up. A bunch of swearing words flowed out Rick's mouth, he yelled at me about how unreasonable I was and cursing me. I was stunned. How could it be? I thought that I was dreaming as I could not believe my ears and what continues to flow out of his mouth, someone who I thought was a gentleman not too long ago. I tried to stop his abusive language and he said something even surprised me more. He said something like that "There is nothing wrong with my language as it is just part of my regular vocabulary, no one should judge that as been inappropriate." I am shocked to my core that he actually said that. Feeling surreal. Of course I stand firm on my ground that he has to clean the suite appropriate or we will have someone come do a cleaning. He became more livid and more abusive, but I did not back off. I looked him straight in his eyes and firmly stated my point. The owner Lucy came over as well and he decided to abuse her as well. I nearly lost my temper but I was very careful as I am professional and have to handle the situation no matter what. I don't how many times I have to repeat the points until he understood that I was not going to change my statement regardless how loud and abusive he got to. The meeting ended and he said that he would get it cleaned before 8 pm tonight and we would meet again.

Bewildered and shocked by his behavior, I had hard time to concentrate to do any other work the rest of afternoon. I thought that I would go to yoga, then thought I would stay and try to relax and shake the nasty feeling off. I was so indecisive and don't know what to do for a while. 4:30 class past, then 5:45 class past then decided definitely not going. I was going to cook something to eat so made a simple tofu dish and started to eat at 6 pm. Half way through my dish, I suddenly burst into tears. Very sudden, very fast and very unprepared. I crawled into my bed and sobbed. What was I sobbing? It was not like a little girl being bullied. I was saddened by his comment that it is nothing inappropriate, it is just his vocabulary. How and when are we convinced that verbal abuse is totally fine? Just because it is filled in our media so it is a norm now? And this guy is fully convinced by it. Astonishing! And this guy is seemed very respectable citizen. My jaw is falling off and I am weeping. I started to see that there are times I think that it is ok to swear because I was angry or irritated. I was just as ridiculous as what Rick said. We started to accept that being ok regardless its rippling effect. I wept even more. I decided to go to 630 yoga. I need to really breathe and I was not doing a good job breathing. Sjanie's class, advanced one too. I thought that it would be good for me to sweat a few confusion out, the ugly picture and ugly memory.

Sjanie was there behind the counter when I arrived. She folded herself forward to thank me about my facebook message and commented on my comments. I naturally talked to her about the incidence and why I came to the class. We seemed to understand each other well about what I was trying to say. I said that I just need to breathe and don't know what else at this point. My mind was not too busy during class. I breathe and breathe. After the class, I felt that I was centered again and gave Sjanie a big hug (first time) and shared some thoughts. We both agreed that it did not happen just randomly. I need to hug in my mid line and hold the light and magically I was feeling it. Walking out the studio feeling solid under my feet and my head uncluttered. I went to the meeting with Rick again...