today

A very strange day today. I had an appointment to do a move-out-check-up with a tenant. Expecting nothing unusual, I let Kerrie know that I would be in the meeting and if I am running late, she can go and handle it for me. I did run late from another meeting, I also knew Kerrie has already on her way there. For some reason, I decided to go so called Kerrie and let her know that I am running late but on my way. Rick has been a good tenant, a fairly successful entrepreneur I believe. Usually it indicates a rather smooth handing-over-everything type of thing. I was in a quite good mindset, happy and content. Nice hello and we went up to the suite, casually chatting and I started to go through the suite to see anything needed to be addressed. Rick said that he paid the cleaners 354 dollars for the cleaning while I was opening cabinets, fridge doors etc. Notice some food in the fridge so I asked if it is his food. Microwave was quite dirty and also the stove. It does not seem to be that the cleaner has done a good job so I asked him who is the cleaner, maybe he should contact them to come back to do a touch-up. A bunch of swearing words flowed out Rick's mouth, he yelled at me about how unreasonable I was and cursing me. I was stunned. How could it be? I thought that I was dreaming as I could not believe my ears and what continues to flow out of his mouth, someone who I thought was a gentleman not too long ago. I tried to stop his abusive language and he said something even surprised me more. He said something like that "There is nothing wrong with my language as it is just part of my regular vocabulary, no one should judge that as been inappropriate." I am shocked to my core that he actually said that. Feeling surreal. Of course I stand firm on my ground that he has to clean the suite appropriate or we will have someone come do a cleaning. He became more livid and more abusive, but I did not back off. I looked him straight in his eyes and firmly stated my point. The owner Lucy came over as well and he decided to abuse her as well. I nearly lost my temper but I was very careful as I am professional and have to handle the situation no matter what. I don't how many times I have to repeat the points until he understood that I was not going to change my statement regardless how loud and abusive he got to. The meeting ended and he said that he would get it cleaned before 8 pm tonight and we would meet again.

Bewildered and shocked by his behavior, I had hard time to concentrate to do any other work the rest of afternoon. I thought that I would go to yoga, then thought I would stay and try to relax and shake the nasty feeling off. I was so indecisive and don't know what to do for a while. 4:30 class past, then 5:45 class past then decided definitely not going. I was going to cook something to eat so made a simple tofu dish and started to eat at 6 pm. Half way through my dish, I suddenly burst into tears. Very sudden, very fast and very unprepared. I crawled into my bed and sobbed. What was I sobbing? It was not like a little girl being bullied. I was saddened by his comment that it is nothing inappropriate, it is just his vocabulary. How and when are we convinced that verbal abuse is totally fine? Just because it is filled in our media so it is a norm now? And this guy is fully convinced by it. Astonishing! And this guy is seemed very respectable citizen. My jaw is falling off and I am weeping. I started to see that there are times I think that it is ok to swear because I was angry or irritated. I was just as ridiculous as what Rick said. We started to accept that being ok regardless its rippling effect. I wept even more. I decided to go to 630 yoga. I need to really breathe and I was not doing a good job breathing. Sjanie's class, advanced one too. I thought that it would be good for me to sweat a few confusion out, the ugly picture and ugly memory.

Sjanie was there behind the counter when I arrived. She folded herself forward to thank me about my facebook message and commented on my comments. I naturally talked to her about the incidence and why I came to the class. We seemed to understand each other well about what I was trying to say. I said that I just need to breathe and don't know what else at this point. My mind was not too busy during class. I breathe and breathe. After the class, I felt that I was centered again and gave Sjanie a big hug (first time) and shared some thoughts. We both agreed that it did not happen just randomly. I need to hug in my mid line and hold the light and magically I was feeling it. Walking out the studio feeling solid under my feet and my head uncluttered. I went to the meeting with Rick again...

I simply want to be there

Yesterday I went to 6:45 am Power class and did 3 Power classes and 2 Anusara classes, went to Danielle's Yoga/Dance workshop in the evening. Total of 8 hours. I simply want to be there. When I finish at 11 pm at night, my body did not give me any grief, it feels like I just finished one class. I lost at least 2 pounds yesterday thanks to my new digital scale. Good experience. I did not know what kind of shape I would be in after 8 hours Yoga, but I was not worrying about it. I was simply content that I was there and I could be there. I thought about Megan's words a lot "Annie, you are strong, maybe just not connected yet." I was contemplating on connection mostly yesterday.

Self-doubt creates lots of negative energy in our body. When I do a pose, I have to fight the thought and keep the pose. My body will lose focus and tremble. I notice that the shaking and trembling were not quite there yesterday which added so much ease in my poses which makes 8 hours like just one class.

After a night of sleep, my body has this evenly sore, it was not disabiliting-type of sore, it is just showing me where I have worked at yesterday. The whole body I think. Very few muscle did not get some kind of workout yesterday. I am very thankful for being able to do it.

Amazing stories (draft)

This Victoria Day weekend is full of stories and excitements:

Friday was my mom's 73rd birthday and I have planned a birthday dinner for her and invited mum and dad (daryl's mum and dad). Vivian and I had brought candles, cake, flower, balloon to add some flavor to the celebration. We hid those stuff in our bedroom. We brought some sparkling candle and some nice long candles. Long story short, we finished the dinner and ask everyone to wait. Vivian and I ran to the bedroom to get the cake ready. Lighting the candles on our chaise and we did our best to get most of candles lit and rushed out to sing Happy Birthday! There are cards and gift and while I was reading/translating mum's card to mom, we heard crackling from the bedroom which is kind of strange. Daryl went to bedroom to check out and we heard "fire" shortly. I dropped the card and rushed there. Our bedroom is on fire, huge cloud of black smoke filled the room and somehow my mind was calm and clear as glass. Daryl has rushed to get everyone to get some water. I walked into the room and grabbed flaming cushions, blankets, pillows and throw them off the deck onto to lawn. Some amber and melted material are still have fire on them, Daryl, Vivian and everyone else pour water onto them and fire was out. Quite a bit of damage but we were released that the whole house did not go up in flame. We worked together to scrape the debris off the floor and try to wipe things down... We slept in the burned bedroom that night and discussed what just happened and how amazing it was that we had everything under control without any grief, regrets, panic and sadness. Everyone worked very hard but not remorse and negative feelings.

Saturday, Erin came over with her cleaning tool joined our cleaning endeavor. The walls and furniture was thoroughly washed. We did tons of laundry, we refinished our chaise and will put it out in the garden. The chaise turned out amazingly beautiful. I grabbed some Christmas wrapping paper and decorate the burned area so we are not stare at the burned wall all the time. Things are beautiful again after about 12 busy hours of everyone working together.

Sunday I invited Kerrie to come over for some pancakes. She brought her friend Margo and we all standing around the kitchen chatting. Daryl asked Vivian:"What is China's greatest invention?" Vivian said:"My mom." then looked at Daryl said "Can't argue with that, can you?" The room were silent with awe, especially me. That night Daryl and I talked about and Daryl said "I was trying to be funny but Vivian was poignant. Poignant beats funny any day in my dictionary." I would never forget this amazing weekend.

Kerrie also told us a story about auntie Jeanne's house. Auntie has passed away quite a while ago and her house was on the market for a while and could not sell. There is a lady who is phychic told auntie's son that his mom has treasure in the backyard and the house won't sell till the treasure is digged out. Richards thought about and said if his mom had any kind of treasure, it would be used during her lifetime and certainly won't buried. He and his sister discussed and went to garden digged out the peony tree. 3 days later, the house was sold.

A thought came to me this morning: I am going to write lots of small stories about my life experience and today I am starting to make notes. I will publish them in Chinese. It will be my contribution to China.

Mother's day - Yogi and Boo Boo

I have slept yesterday during various parts of day, various spot. What a workout last week at Yoga! Saturday's class done me in. Shelly taught me to successfully do a teddy bear stand in the middle of room (means not against wall. Christine's class afterwards is intermediate/advanced. I worked very hard try to manage each pose. Although I opt out a few long strenuous poses to prevent injury, I did a lot. On Mother's day, I really feeling it. My whole body was evenly sore and apparently tons of sleep needed too. I slept on the deck in the morning, afternoon on the couch, late afternoon at the first period and half of Canucks game. (Yes, we won the war. The boys are warriors yesterday, very impressive.). Evening on the couch till 1 am, slept in till 8:30 am. I have set some record I believe. If not, very close.

This morning, our yoga cat woke Daryl up at 6 am, miaowing in the living room loudly. Daryl thought she caught a mouse or something. He got up to see what she was stress about. Grace standing where my yoga mat should be and demand a practice immediately. What a yoga cat! Incredible. Inspired by our yoga cat, I will practice now.

Have a good day and smile!

returning student

I have been away for 10 days and attended one class last night. Although I do Yoga here and there on my own, not the same as in a small class with the teacher. When I entered the practice room, I felt especially calm. I was ready and more than ready. That was how I feel. I wanted a very long session, say 8 hours if it was possible. I was in my element (felt that way anyway).

I was glad that we were asked to do handstand against the wall. I thought that I would have enough guts to kick up but no success. I kicked pretty high and I knew that it was not I could not, it was because I was holding back. When Christine asked us to try the 2nd time, I asked openly about my issue. I wanted to get it done. Christine encouraged me firmly and offer to stand there for me. That was what I needed. I kicked up and did my first hand stand ever. I was very calm and excited. Interesting combo.

I want to practice more with no fear but acceptance. I had a taste last night and I enjoyed it very much.