It has been a while

I have not blogged for a while. There are mega yoga days and there are no yoga days. There are days I had good intention to do yoga but never do. There are days I just want to do yoga all day and actually do it. Of course it was at Yaletown Yoga with my teachers. I can't believe how much I enjoy my teachers. My life become newer every time I saw them, pretty awesome. Love to see them and take lessons from them over and over again.

I was quite stressed lately and I don't quite know why. My life has always busy with one thing or another, hectic days are not unusual things, but I was quite stressed and I don't quite know why. Tonight our upstairs tenants moved out and we did the walk through and said good bye. Nice chat and heartfelt good-byes. On the way home, I realized that Brandon and Glen are not going to be living there. The reality of they are not living there anymore sat in and I could not hold back my tears. I sat on the couch and wept. Feeling quite silly but not really. They have been part of our lives for so many years. Vivian was only 8 or 9 and has been their cat sitter when they went away on holidays. We have lots of fun memory with them around. We were all much younger then. We still had our hammock in our living room and fed them spring rolls which had mushroom in it. Glen did not like it when he found out (although if I did not mention it, he was quite enjoying them. Haha). They got married while they lived there. Always heart felt hello and good-byes when we saw each other. We did not hang together, but feel close.

I cried and cried. Talked to Daryl and laughed at myself. It took me a while for the tears to stop. Interesting thing is that I noticed about the stress I have been feeling lately started to go away. The heaviness lifted. I guess the whole time I tried not to think about it and acknowledge it, it loaded on me and weighs heavy on me. Now I cried, I am actually feeling better and less stressed. Not only that, I did not hide it from Brandon either. I texted Brandon about my tears. I was open about my feeling. Quite interesting things to be aware. How often we hold back our feeling then it creeps on us? Need to be open, be direct with oneself and with others. Let other know that they are loved. How wonderful is that!

This afternoon Christine's class actually touched on that, about friendship, about openness. She asked us why friendship was important. My comments was that friends allow us to be open and truthful. She asked what "be truthful" means. I thought about it and said "well, it is not easy to define, I guess that it means to be able to speak what's on our mind without much of manipulation." (In other words, be real.) I need to be more of that. I hide my feeling often and thought that showing my feeling is showing my weakness. Of course I could be hurt or laughed at sometimes, but it worth the risk because otherwise we won't find true friends. It would be a bigger risk.