After the last post,I thought that I would have arrived at a peaceful place, but not. I got an email from my friend Sally, in it she quoted "the qualities that we see in others so readily or the ones we are triggered by the most intensely are precisely the ones we must examine within ourselves.".
Now that I think about it carefully: Was I just not able to forgive my mom or neighbours? Or was it something I have trouble dealing with? Sure enough, it is about the forgiveness. I have not been good at forgiving since I could ever remember. As mom would feel sorry for herself and lose sight of the beauty in her life, I am exactly the same. I have a beautiful and privileged life full of things I should be thankful for, but I let the sand in my eyes ruin many of my days. Did I know? I think that I did, it's just that I have difficulty to see the truth about myself or keep finding excuses for myself. Always other people's faults......
I find this distasteful but it is true. My blindness to the truth has given me way too much pain and does not have any redeeming quality to offer.
Before I read Sally's quote, I always tried to remind myself "if something in others bothers you deeply, it is the very thing you have to look within." yet I did not recognize it before I wrote the previous blog. Life never fails to laugh in my face if I think that I have learned. At least, another mystery unfolds itself. I am glad that my friend Sally points to me. Thank you, Sally! Thank you for watching out for me! I am looking forward to the tea we are going to have sometime soon.
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